April of 2006 I picked myself up and left a very bad situation… I told my self that I was in no way going to fall in love with anyone ever again… I was going to live my life for me and for daughter. Just work hard and worry about me – Then I came down to my moms and dad’s house on Mother’s Day weekend in June and my mom brought me up to your place to meet you… I had no idea who you were just heard about you, Pedro and Ted. It was so nice to have friends and family who care so much about me – before they knew me!!
I finally came down for a weekend in July and meet you and Pedro again. We had a great time in the bar (getting trashed – listening to you and Pedro argue over me – you sneaking in for a great evening). We went to see the fireworks. I told myself just friends with benefits, you don’t need more right now. You have to get through the hell in your life before you can move on and start over – but the more I saw you the more I felt myself falling for you, but I still would not let my heart open up to let you in, the pain in my life was so horrible that I didn’t know how to over come what I had just been through and how to let go of certain things in my past; this was really hard for me to do, To open my heart up again for such heartache. But I finally did let go and let you in.
Then on one lonely Monday night you came into my bedroom while I was sleeping to just say good night and kiss me, I knew at that time that my life was going to change for the better, because I have fallen in love with you that night. Against all the odds and all that I have told myself and kept my guard up – you some how found a loop hole in my heart and opened it wide open. Now I am so totally in love with you. You really have no idea what that night meant to me. You have changed me in every way that I have been trying to fight against. You have brought down the walls that held me tough and strong in life and opened my heart again for the first time in years.
I have never in my life met anyone quite like you… You are so loving and passionate. Someone who cares about everything and everyone. I can’t believe in this world as to how wonderful you really are… sometimes I think I am dreaming about you and I will wake up and find myself without you… and living in a terrible position. You are always in my every thought and always on my mind in everyway possible and when I find myself thinking about you I get this overwhelming feeling for you that I just have to smile, feel my heart melt even more then the last time… I hear your truck coming down the road you take my breath away… to where I save every one of your voice mails just to hear you on a daily basis (corny I know) – I see your name on my phone my heart skips a beat…. You make me feel like I have never felt before in my whole life –I feel the love in every touch you give me – to the passion when you kiss me – to the feeling when you hold me tight – to the way you smile and wink at me across the room. All of those combined in one way or another and I know with my whole heart and soul that I am totally in love with you!!
When we started this relationship six months ago… it was so great… but lately it seems that everything is slipping away … We see each other on the weekends maybe a day or two and we drink the weekend away – When I do finally get to see you it is at my daddy’s bar and everyone is always around or dart night with everyone around – we really have not had time alone… and that is not a bad thing – I to like hanging out with friends and family… but Sometimes I am not sure where I stand with you – and how you really feel about me –you say that you love me – but that is usually after a long night of alcohol… yes you work long hours and I have known that from the start – I am not asking you to change that or to do anything different From what I see is that you are so busy with getting your business off the ground that I am just an added distraction that you don’t need to worry about… you are really busy and are only going to get busier in the future.
I guess what I am trying to say through all this mess – is that you are the best thing that has come into my life and I am lost and not sure what to do anymore about us… I have let myself fall for you and I should have kept my walls up for longer than I did and not let you in until the time was right. That is my entire fault… This letter is really hard for me to write and I want you to really read this before you talk to me… and understand the things I am trying to say to you… I know this is not the right way to express my feelings to you – but right now this helps me to figure out how I feel about you and how I feel about us!!
So what I am saying is that I am going to walk away today from this relationship, and hope we can still remain friends. This whole relationship is my entire fault I should have never let it get this far to start with. Six months is a really long time to be with someone and I am totally grateful to have got to spend this time with you and get to know you the way I have and also to be apart of your life. I will always cherish our time together and will remember this time as a GREAT time in my life!!
